Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
