drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
