Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
