i just sent this text using only my big toe
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize