It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
