im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
