Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
