my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
