I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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