I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
