OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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