the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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