I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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