their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
