People in love make me want to vomit
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
