As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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