Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
