She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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