Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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