He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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