Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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