I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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