God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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