yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
