I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
