3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I need a beard to bite.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
