You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
