can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
