and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
