Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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