we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
