just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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