Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
