he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
