Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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