Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
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woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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