Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
