Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
