How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
