You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
