Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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