About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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