Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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