I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
