wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
