There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
