You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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