okay pat passed out under dana's car
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
