I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
