i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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