It's Friday. Sex?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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