she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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