I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
