i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
