im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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