Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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