My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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