I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I didn't notice because vodka
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
