I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
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Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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